i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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