No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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