Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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