Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
