im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
