I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
