I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
