Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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