party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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