Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
