The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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