chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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