I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
