my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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