Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
