remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
