these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
