I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
