I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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