So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
