So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
