hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
