you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
