I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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