a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
