it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How does one acquire holy water?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
