I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
