My hand turned me down
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pants are for mortals
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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