So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
