My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
