smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
