it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
