Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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