I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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