Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why is half of my head shaved?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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