God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
