A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
