get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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