So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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