Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
