we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
