I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
