did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
