Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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