haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there's paper in my vomit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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