When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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