He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
