So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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