Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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