All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
